The previous owner of our house had raised the roof to create a second floor, which became Adam’s and my room. One of the great things about the layout was we didn't need a ladder to get on the roof; we could just open the window and walk out. We did all the normal shenanigans like taping four napkins together to create parachutes for our GI Joe's and He-man action figures. Then when mere parachutes got old, we taped firecrackers to them and their ‘chute. When that got old, we did it with bottle rockets. We were always surprised and dismayed at how little damage fireworks did to our toys.
Adam figured out he could lift water balloons from the Ben Franklin store pretty easily. We would fill up 15 to 20 water balloons and sit on the roof at night, waiting, and then throw water balloons at passing cars. Our understanding of rocketry was greatly underestimated. Turns out it’s a lot harder to throw a water balloon 130 feet and hit a car than we thought. Despite our best efforts, I don’t believe we hit one car that night. Or the next night or the next. We sucked. Timing the speed of the car and the speed of the throw was really difficult. But one night Adam got it perfect. The second he released, we both knew he was going to hit dead center. And it did. Dead center windshield. SPLOSH.
The driver slammed on his breaks, got out of the car, and started screaming randomly at the houses that he could see us and that he was going to kill us. We didn't expect this level of anger at all. Like the song said, “We were just some good ol’ boys. Never meaning no harm…..” But he was screaming at the wrong house across the street. The hardest part about hiding behind the far side of the roof was not giving up our position by giggling.
This was the end of the water balloons for a while.
But then Adam managed to get his hands on some Punch Ball Balloons. The enormous balloons you
blow up and then tie a rubber band to at one end and bounce off your fist. First we blew them up and stuck them under our shirts to walk around like fat old men. Then we made them boobies.
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| Seriously I looked just this innocent. |
Then the moment of genius. We would turn them into Water Balloons.
We tried to fill the first one up in the basement. It looked half full when it just popped, sitting on the basement floor. Being the good kids we were, we picked up the bits of the busted balloon and walked off like nothing had happened, leaving an inch of standing water on the floor in the laundry room. Oops.
The next try, we thought, well maybe the concrete was too rough or maybe it couldn't support itself under its own weight. So we filled it all the way up with water inside a five gallon bucket. I was 11 and maybe 80 pounds. Adam was nine and maybe 60 pounds. There is no way we were going to throw a 40 pound water balloon 130 feet to the road. We knew we didn't have a slingshot that could do it. Maybe a catapult? But it seemed insufficient. It’s a good thing we didn't know about trebuchets. I can only imagine dad’s reaction to a full sized trebuchet on the roof.
Dad: I can’t get you boys to rake leaves for an hour for $5, but you spent two weeks hauling lumber through the house to build this?
It’s not that we were lazy. We just had selective focus. Like the time we built the BMX track in the backyard.
We thought the only thing we could do with this five gallon water balloon was put it down out in the street. And hope that when we took it out of the bucket, it wouldn't pop and that a car would come along and hit it.
Like all stupid plans that get put into play, it was the only plan we had.
We put it out there around 8 pm and then rushed upstairs to bed/out to the roof. We laid there like snipers with only our nose and eyeballs over the ridge of the roof, watching, waiting for a target of opportunity. We waited and waited and waited. Nothing. No one was on the streets that night.
What the hell, people? It’s Monday night, 8:20.
Finally we see headlights. We almost hugged each other we were so excited. The driver did not hit the water balloon. In fact, he pulled up next to it and stopped. The dome light came on as the driver’s side door opened. Without ever getting out of the car, he reached down and scooped our balloon up and put it in the passenger seat and then drove off like nothing was out of the ordinary with a five gallon water balloon in the middle of the street. We stood up, threw rocks, jumped up and down, kicked the ground, shook our fist, and generally cursed him and his entire family.
We couldn't take the emotional let down or maybe we realized it was a shitty plan. But either way, we never tried to create another five gallon water balloon.
